“For you have been called to live in freedom-not freedom to satisfy your sinful nature, but freedom to serve one another in love. ... Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Gal. 5:13 and Eph. 5:21
In any significant relationship, habitual dominance within the relationship destroys the relationship. Dominance is a gender-neutral sin, and sadly, Shaun & Betsy (two driven, energetic, get-it-done-yesterday, Type-A individuals) have both taken turns at the “dominance steering wheel” of our relationship. Author and Pastor Jimmy Evans explains this negative dynamic:
“Dominance is one of the most damaging dynamics that can exist in any relationship--especially in marriage. God simply didn't intend for marriage to be a relationship where one spouse would dominate the other.
To understand this, we have to go back to the Garden of Eden before the fall of mankind. In the Bible, there isn't a reference indicating that Adam was superior to Eve, or vice versa, until the fall. After Adam and Eve ate of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, God pronounced a curse over them. In Genesis 3:16, we find that He told Eve her desire would be for her husband and he [Adam] would rule over her. The word 'desire' in that scripture means 'a desire to usurp authority'.
Dominance and a struggle for power or superiority in a marriage are the result of our fallen nature, and they destroy intimacy and goodwill in the relationship. ~~And there is only one answer--both spouses must surrender themselves to the authority of Christ and stop trying to control the marriage. This means the dominant spouse must have a humble attitude and ‘stand down’. It also means the dominated spouse must stop enabling the dominance. He or she must lovingly ‘stand up’ and take an active, equal position in the relationship.”
The good news for us Cleary’s is that we’re learning to recognize this harmful mannerism fairly readily. And through the ups, the downs and the seasons of life, daily we consciously surrender ourselves to God’s authority, seek His will, and allow Him to teach us how to serve and submit to one another. (In our differing roles as ‘the head and the neck’, we are equal partners under God’s authority.)
All of us have experienced the negative consequences of dominance in relationships near and dear to us. And we are wise to remember that although we can influence another, we can change no one but ourselves. ~~Single or married, we pray your significant relationships flourish this week as you seek Him!
Much love,
Shaun and Betsy
