Going the Distance 5-23-11

“My lover is mine, and I am his.” Sgs. 2:16

Tomorrow, May 24, 2011 marks our 25^th wedding anniversary as boyfriend and girlfriend...oh yeah. Seems like a lot of years in some respects, and a blink of time in others. As we reflect on our marriage and anniversaries over the years, oddly, it was our 10 yr anniversary that’s seems most noteworthy to us personally. Why?

Well, a lot of “life” happened in those 1^st 10 years. With the mere words “I do”, our life instantaneously changed from ‘selfish to selfless’ and from ‘mine to ours’. (And for 2 recently retired type A elite athletes… successfully learning to live out “selfless and ours” seemed to draw blood at times (no, not literally).

For us, those 1^st 10 yrs were marked with 6 moves, multiple new jobs and start-ups, 3 pregnancies/births, young energetic boys and a baby girl, owning our own business and doing books until 2am most nights, being taken by a con-man for 1/3 of our net worth, 2 major surgeries (1 for each of us), health issues with extended family, and SOOO much more… juggling, juggling, and more juggling.

For us, the 10 yr marker was likened to Roger Bannister’s braking the 4 min. mile barrier in 1954…once he accomplished breaking it, Roger and many others were able to break it again and again and again. The actual barrier was a mental barrier, not a physical barrier.

Similarly, probably the biggest key to our marital joy, aside from a vibrant relationship with the Lord of course, has been breaking mental barriers. Most profound, has been our choosing to see one another as good-willed day in/day out. ~~Doing just this one thing has altered our perspectives and become the filter through which we view our relationship so that we can effectively tackle the challenges that come against it. Powerful stuff.

Shaun’s favorite line when things got tough was “Bets, we’re on the same team.” To demonstrate his point, as he said these words, Shaun would physically move to stand by my side, put his arm around me, extend his arm and point out at the non-visual thing attacking us and then pray. ~~Even in the middle of conflict, we learned to choose to see one another as partners, allies, teammates and friends. Easy? NO, but it’s been worth every ounce of disciplined effort!

Proverbs, Shaun’s favorite book of practical wisdom for our marriage, has some great bits of sensible advice. With divorce being so rampant these days, let’s look specifically at 7 verses regarding how to manage our anger:

·       “Fools vent their anger, but the wise quietly hold it back” Prv. 29:11

·       “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Prv. 15:1

·       “Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you will be like him yourself.” Prv. 26:4

·       “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.” Prv. 16:18

·       “A man of knowledge uses words with restraint a man of understanding is even-tempered.” Prv 17:27

·       “It is to a man’s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel.” Prv. 20:3

·       “The discerning heart seeks knowledge, but the mouth of a fool feeds on folly.” Prv. 15:14

God, the inventor of marriage, lays out some awesome tried and true guidance for us. You see, our Lord has a vested interest in this sacred institution. ~~Long story short, aside from procreation, God designed marriage to be an earthly picture of our eternal intimate relationship with Himself; and He uses this most intimate bond to sand off our rough edges in a way no other relationship can, conforming us to the image of His Son to reign with Him forever!

Marriage is so very WORTH ‘going the full distance’… until death do us part. Will you join us?!

Love and laughter from us to you, xoxo          Shaun and Betsy  

To God Be the Glory

Dear wonderful friends,

We want to share with you an update and our deep gratitude for your thoughts and prayers these 3+ weeks.

We've been living in kind of a "twilight zone". And with very step  God has shown and is showing Himself so radically in charge and sovereign over all details...one miracle after another after another after another! ~Just talk with Bets, you'll see peace and joy as evidenced even in these pictures taken during her brain scan!

The mere words: "Docs found a benign tumor in my brain" have opened up a flood gate of ministry opportunities for Betsy.  It's incredible! Believers and nonbelievers alike seem to be flocking to her looking to tap into the peace, joy and hope that oozes from her pores, as they share their intimate stories with her. 

~~If  there has been a tougher part to this ordeal it's been handling the full range of responses from others. ~~From an objective yet seemingly callous "it's no big deal, I know someone who had/has one of those" to "OMG you're gonna die?" and  everything/every emotion in between, this has been an interesting study in human behavior to say the least!

One thing in particular that has kept Betsy void of fear while she deals with other's reactionary responses, is the peace and joy God placed in her heart from the moment she was delivered the "tumor" news. All she's kept saying is,  "Praise You God...here we go. Whatever You have in store to glorify Yourself through me is gonna be good...real real good."  

Current status? Every meningioma situation is unique... and we will be watching this one closely with an MRI every 6 mo for now (2 more neurology appt.s in the next 2 weeks). But so far it's all been great news: this mass is slow growing, has definitive edges, is small (pecan sized at the top to the left frontal lobe next to the skull), may never grow to the point that it needs to be removed, and God is using it  as a channel to bring His love to others. Praise Him.

You have touched us deeply with your caring thoughts and prayers. To God be the glory!

Much love,

Shaun and Betsy

Water and Be Watered in Return 5-16-11

“He who waters will also be watered himself.”  Prv. 11:25

Refresh another? In doing so, we too are rejuvenated.

God tells us in Jer. 31:25 “I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint.” Amidst our personal trials, if we choose to draw near to Jesus and then by His power choose to refresh our weary friends with His love, God fills us to overflowing.

Short and sweet.

Big hugs and loads of love,                             

Shaun and Betsy

R U Confining God? 5-9-11

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you.” Is. 41:10 

     
Question: Where are you “confining God”?

·       Perhaps you’re keeping God’s influence out of one of your current business decisions?
·       Or boxing Him out of your current marital struggle?
·       Or baring Him from the mental anguish you’re STILL struggling with after all these years?
·       Or keeping Him at arms length in the complex issues surrounding a recent death of a loved one?
·       Or not allowing Him near the shame you feel in a particular area of your life, an area that you believe you can never forgive yourself for much less believe that God would forgive you for… or free you from the grips of its bondage?

We’ve been asking ourselves this very question lately especially in light of last week’s personal news regarding findings of a tumor in Betsy’s brain. Thankfully we Cleary’s continue to bask in a constant pool of peace knowing that no part of our lives goes unnoticed or is outside the providence and work of our amazing Savior. (Where we’ve really needed His strength and wisdom most is handling the fear this news invokes in others…even with it being benign!)

He cares. God really cares about what concerns us. The coolest thing is that if we truly believe this and draw close to Him in intimate relationship, when the storm hits, He glorifies Himself through us despite ourselves (vibrant relationship is the key).

“Humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. Be sober; be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world. But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you. To Him be the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen.” 1 Pet. 5:6-11

Let’s choose to walk in His power this week, freely divulging all areas of our lives to His hand regardless how we “feel”. ~~Remember, each one of us is an appointed instrument for God’s work as our awesome Lord weaves our sometimes seemingly insignificant life story into His divine and majestic tapestry of the ages. One day we will see it all clearly…

Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers, they mean so much to us!

Much love,

Shaun and Betsy

Shocking News and Our Response 5-2-11

“To those entrusted with the secret things of God … it’s required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful.” 1 Cor. 4:2

Simply put, God tests those He loves. He does not tempt us (Jms. 1:13), but He does test us. ~~Why?

For His glory to be manifested, to see if we stray or if we follow Him, to reveal and purify our heart motive, and check and refine our character. Let’s look at some scripture illustrations:

•  Is. 48:10 “I have refined you, though not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction. For My own sake, for My      own sake, I do this. How can I let myself be defamed? I will not yield My glory to another.”
• Ex. 16:4; 15:25 “In this way I will test them and see whether they will follow my instructions.”
• 2 Chr. 32:31 “God left him to test him and to know everything that was in his heart.”
• 1 Chr. 29:17 “I know, my God, that you test the heart and are pleased with integrity. All these things have I given willingly and with honest intent.”
• Prv. 17:3 “The crucible for silver and the furnace for gold, but the LORD tests the heart.”
• 1 Thess. 2:4 “We are not trying to please men but God, who tests our hearts.”

Jesus’ disciples went through severe testing before they were transformed from hesitant followers to dynamic leaders as these tests help to strengthen and develop their character in preparation for the tasks ahead. ~~If we consider ourselves disciple’s of Christ, should we expect anything different?

Pause for a moment, picture yourself in this scenario, and then imagine your response: You are at the doctor’s office and he has just announced to you that a mass was found in your MRI brain scan. ~~~What would go through your mind at this moment? How would you react?  Who’s the first person you would want to talk with? Would your initial response be one of peace or one of terror? …..

Truth: The more intimate my relationship is with God, the more we reflect Him WHEN the test comes.

Well, we used to wonder about this kind of scenario … and God granted Betsy the opportunity to live it a week ago this very hour. Her reaction? A “twilight zone” experience, yet one of amazing peace. In that frozen moment in time, all that went through her head was “Praise You Lord…here we go. What are You going to do to glorify Yourself through me with this deal?!”

The rest of the week was full of subsequent doc visits and tests and for those of you who are hearing about this for the first time, we are so sorry to shock you this way. But we want you to know that we are doing really, really, really, really, really well. And we’ve attached is a word document explaining details if you’d like to know more.

1 Cor. 4:20 tells us, “ The kingdom of God is not a matter of talk, but of power.” And we Cleary’s are experiencing this truth first hand. God is so very real, so very tangible; He infuses us with His wisdom and power, and loves each of us more that we can begin to fathom.

We love you. Thank you for showering us with your loving kindness and prayers.

Shaun and Betsy

ATTACHMENT: Findings and Miracles:

Betsy experienced a vertigo-type episode 4:30am Mar. 23, 2011, with substantial intermittent headaches since November 2010. Subsequent tests ruled out many things including stroke, but revealed a pecan sized benign (non-cancerous, slow growing) convexity meningioma in her left frontal lobe of her brain.

Here are some details:

Grade I – Benign meningioma: This non-cancerous type of brain tumor grows slowly, has distinct borders and is the most common type of primary brain tumor, accounting for approximately 30% of all brain tumors.  It originates in the meninges, (which are the outer three layers of tissue between the skull and the brain that cover and protect the brain just under the skull) and grows very slowly. In Betsy’s case, because the mass is small and is causing her minimal trouble, it will simply continue to be monitored with an MRI every 6 months.

Doctor’s are still doing tests to determine the cause of the Mar. 23 episode, but at this juncture believe that this tumor is minimally related at best. Probable cause: A compression injury to the neck coupled with an inner ear thing; the tumor is simply a red herring finding.

God’s hand has been in this whole thing from the start. His miracles and divine touch this week cannot be adequately explained in words on a page, so you will just have to talk with Betsy and observe her undeniable peace and excitement for yourself!

We appreciate your prayers and feel them powerfully. We will keep you posted!

Praise You Lord Jesus.

S&B