Honest Communication, without Coercion 7-21-15

Honest Communication, without Coercion

“Only God can convince him.” Job 32:13

Honestly communicating our “heart desires” without the other person feeling manipulated is a delicate art. Most of us either shy away from honest communication for fear of consequence, fear of feeling uncomfortable, seeking “political correctness”. ~Or we do the opposite… too forceful in our communications, we become bullies of sorts. Both styles stink.

Question: Which non-optimal way/style do you tend to lean? (Unsure? Ask a close friend.)

Good news: God Himself leads us in optimal communication style. From Genesis to Revelation, without the use of coercive tactics, God pursues and woos us with His truths.

Using biblical examples let’s briefly explore and differentiate constructive and productive communications from destructive and counterproductive ones.

Two constructive and productive examples:

§  Ester before her king/husband (Est. 5-7)

§  Abigail protecting her husband, and King David (1Sam. 25)

Please read Ester 5-7 and 1Samuel 25. Amidst these verses, we’ll observe two women who do not shy away from honest communication, nor do they use coercive tactics in their highly effective interactions. A great read!

Next, let’s explore the definitions of more negative forms of communication.

(Note: The actual words coerce, bully, and browbeat are not used in the Bible, but their corresponding illustrations are numerous.)

Coerce

Dictionary: Cause to do through pressure or necessity, by physical, moral or intellectual means

E.g.: Matt. 14:6-12: Herod’s wife uses her daughter, demanding John the Baptists head

Bully

Dictionary: Attempt to force another to do what one wants by use of intimidation

E.g.: Exodus 1: Pharaoh’s “power trip” over the Hebrew people/slaves

Browbeat

Dictionary: Intimidate someone into doing something with seductive, stern or abusive words

E.g.: Jdgs 16:6-21 Delilah with Samson  “Tell me the secret of your great strength and how you can be tied up and subdued.”…  “How can you say, ‘I love you,’ when you won’t confide in me? … With such nagging she prodded him day after day until he was sick to death of it. So he told her everything….Then the Philistines seized him, gouged out his eyes and took him down to Gaza.

Coercing, bullying and browbeating may end with the appearance of one effectively communicating one’s thoughts and achieving desired results, but the proverbial reality is this: “You can lead this horse to the party, but you can’t make him have fun.”

Let’s conclude with 2 similar definitions of words actually used by God and His followers:

Convince 

   “nadaph” means to drive to and fro

   E.g.: Job 32:13 “He is too wise for us, only God can convince him.”

Persuade  

   “peitho” means to make friends of, to win one's favor, gain one's good will, or to seek to win one

   E.g.: 2Cor. 5:11: “We know what it is to fear the Lord, we try to persuade others.”

Wrapping up: Ultimately, we each have responsibility to effectively communicate truths, but God alone holds the responsibility to convince and persuade the “free will” choices of His people. ~May we neither “shy away” nor “be too forceful” in our communications this week!

Living in Jesus’ glorious guidance and strength.          
Big hugs xo   ~Shaun and Betsy

May 24, 2015 (Delayed Posting)

My Shaun asked to marry him again this weekend. 

(~I completely wore through the metal of my original wedding ring, so he had my ring's metal melted down and remolded with my original diamond...then added some bling...Oh my goodness, it's spectacular, but I am definitely gonna have to get used to the bling!)

Imagine looking at something close to 3-5 hours a day for 30 years. 

I started wearing my original ring Nov. 20, 1985 when my Shaun proposed, and the ring metal made it nearly 30 years before wearing so thin it broke.  I was actually kinda "lost" for 3 days, having a naked ring finger...So... I got my great grandma's 2 simple ring guards and wore them for the 6 weeks it took for the new ring to be fashioned from the old. (I needed "history" on my hand!)

---It's comforting knowing I'm still wearing my old ring (melted into the new ring) that my sweet Babe bought on a student loan, (then ate hot dogs for a year while he trained with the USA water polo team...We was "poo-", couldn't even afford the "r".) 

Big hugs wonderful friends, thank you for your amazing prayers over us. 

Walk in Another's Shoes 6-15-15

“Judge not that ye be not judged.” Matt. 7:1

Below is an excerpt written by Oswald Chambers.

Jesus says regarding judging---DON’T.

The average Christian is the most penetratingly critical individual.

Criticism is a part of the ordinary faculty of man, but in the spiritual domain, nothing is accomplished by criticism.

The effect of criticism is a dividing up of the powers of the one criticized.

The Holy Spirit is the only One in the true position to criticize; He alone is able to show what is wrong without hurting and wounding.

It is impossible to enter into communion with God when you are in a critical temper,

(your name).

It makes you hard and vindictive and cruel, and leaves you with the flattering unction

that you are a superior person.

Jesus says, as a disciple, cultivate the uncritical temper.

It is not done once and for all. Beware of anything that puts you in the position of “superior person”. There is no getting away from the penetration of Jesus.

For, if I see the mote in someone else’s eye, it means I have a beam in my own. Every wrong thing that I see in another, God locates in me.

Every time I judge, I condemn myself (Rom. 2:17-20).

Stop having a measuring rod for other people.

There is always one fact more in every man’s case about which we know nothing.

Remember, the first thing God does is to give us a spiritual spring-cleaning.

~For what lies in me apart from the grace of God?

Why not pause here, and really ponder these inspired words.

Perhaps, just perhaps…there is someone in our lives to whom we could apply this message?

Oh that we may each muster up the courage to apply this truth to at least one person in our lives this week.

When understanding and forgiveness are sought, freedom is found.   Amen.

Much love and big hugs,

Shaun and Betsy

Feeling Soiled? A Divine Shower Becons 4-20-15

“I strive always to keep my conscience clear before God and man.” Acts 25:16

In light of the above verse, are our personal choices, world events, interpersonal relationships or the like have us feeling soiled, dirty, sullied, polluted, grimy, and in need of a good washing in the pure waters of God’s love and mercy? (Heb. 10:22)

Jesus Christ, because of His great mercy, washes away our sins, giving us new birth and new life through His Spirit, and declares us righteous. (Titus 3:5-7) Then, as “our Good Shepherd” (as opposed to a “hired hand” who runs away when danger comes, or a “thief/robber” who seeks to steal, kill and destroy through deception, intimidation and violence like ISIS) our Lord cares for, protects, and restores our soul. (Ps. 23) This Jesus, who is far above all principality and power and might and dominion, yet who laid down His own life for us so that we might LIVE both now and forever, beseeches us, “Come to Me.”

“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”

Matt. 11:28

Then, while safely wrapped in His loving embrace, Jesus implores us to actively “hold the mystery of the faith with a pure conscience.” 1Tim. 3:9

(pure: “katharos”: unstained with the guilt of anything; free from corrupt desire; innocent)

Jesus is keenly aware of the enemy’s tactics and wants us to understand the unseen war we live amidst (Eph. 6). ~Utilizing deception, Satan, the father of lies (Jn. 8:44), will tell us many truths and partial truths in order to get us to believe and internalize even one significant lie for his wicked purposes. (E.g.: Eve in Gen. 3:1-5)

Thus, we’re warned: “See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ.” Col 2:8

God and Satan both know that deception acted upon, creates confusion. Confusion in turn creates apathy, disobedience and/or fear in the hearts of God’s people, which in turn paralyzes “good”. And when God’s righteous one’s are paralyzed, evil prevails.

Are we not sensing evil appearing to prevail in this world system today? E.g.: ISIS; moral issues opposed to God; worldwide judicial and political corruption/tyranny.

~But around the globe God’s chosen are waking up and rising up. Oh yeah.

Oh that we may strive to live in the authority of His eternal living Word. (Ps. 119:89)

“The law of the LORD is perfect, refreshing the soul. The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy, making wise the simple. The precepts of the LORD are right, giving joy to the heart. The commands of the LORD are radiant, giving light to the eyes. The fear of the LORD is pure, enduring forever. The decrees of the LORD are firm, and all of them are righteous. They are more precious than gold, than much pure gold; …  in keeping them there is great reward.”

Ps. 19:7-11 

Determined to keep our consciences clear before God and man one step at a time this week!

Much love and hugs, ~Shaun and Betsy   

Want "Zoe"?! 3-22-15

“Be very careful how you live, not as unwise but as wise, 

making the most of every opportunity because the days are evil."Eph. 5:15b

This world stage is set.

Batting 1000 (perfect score), God’s perfect word continues to unfold daily.

It is light of these events, we feel prompted to share a more in-depth rendering of John 1: 1-5. Though not flawless in definition, we pray this heartfelt attempt will give us each a small, but more comprehensive understanding of the magnitude of these 5 power packed verses in Scripture. Here goes…

John 1:1-5

1) In the beginning “arche” (origin; the person that commences; principality/magistracy/rule of angels and demons) was the WORD “logos” (divine embodiment of wisdom, power, declaration, and administration of all aspects of the universe through all time) and the Word “logos” was with God “theos” (the Trinity), and the Word “logos” was God “theos” (the Trinity).

2) The same was in the beginning with God.

(“Houtos” (this, these) was in the beginning “arche” (origin; principality/rule of angels and demons) with God “theos” (the Trinity)).

3) All things “pas” (collectively and individually) were made “ginomai” (came into existence; came upon the stage; appear in history) by “dia” (the ground or reason by which something is or is not done; on account of; by reason of) Him and without Him was not anything made “ginomai” (came upon the stage or into existence) that was made “ginomai”.

4) In Him was life “zoe” (absolute fullness of life, essential, ethical and genuine; vigorous blessed life devoted to God). And this life “zoe” was the light “phos” (emitted light; spiritual purity of truth and knowledge; the power of understanding) of men.

5) And the light “phos” (heavenly brightness; spiritual purity of truth and knowledge; the power of understanding; God’s light) shines “phaino” (brings forth light; be bright or resplendent; to become evident/clear; come to view/appear) in the darkness “skotia” (ignorance of divine things and its associated wickedness and the resultant misery in hell) and the darkness “skotia” did not comprehend “katalambano” (to lay hold of so as to make one’s own; to take into one’s self; to perceive, understand) the light.

God warns that wickedness will continue to increase, the love of most will grow cold, yet men are without excuse in knowing Him. (Matt. 24:12; Rom. 1:30)

“Since the creation of the world, God’s invisible qualities –His eternal power and divine nature- have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made

so that men are without excuse.” Rom. 1:30

May we stand strong in Love. He is coming soon.       
~Big hugs, Shaun and Betsy

God Displayed in my Life? 2-26-15

“This happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.” Jn. 9:3

Crisis reveals character.  Crisis molds character.

~What kind of character? This is up to the individual in crisis.

We’ve heard the saying “trials make us better or bitter.” Either we learn to use the adversity to grow stronger, or we allow the crisis to weaken us.

Bad things happen to all of God’s kids.

Some trials come to us regardless of any conscious action on our part where we may bear no responsibility at all. Others are the result of our proximity to loved ones in trial (hurt when loved ones hurt). Still others are the result of our own misgivings.

Regardless of the “why”, once amidst the trial, we have personal choices to make. No matter how large the trial (ISIS terror) or small (traffic), our responses are up to us.

Jesus gives us this promise:

“I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace.

In this world you will have trouble.

But take heart! I have overcome the world.” Jn. 16:33

A couple of non-graphic video clips were sent to us this week:

http://youtu.be/Wsxw_x4HIC4

http://youtu.be/-yCmnyzYeW8

Here, both Myriam and Beshir are allowing crisis to mold them into better and stronger children of the Lord. Amen.

What trial do you find yourself amidst today?

Amidst the personal trial we Cleary’s have been navigating, we continue to beg God: 1) show us what’s “actually going on” versus merely what we are perceiving

2) show us where we can grow, change and mature

3) give us the ongoing desire and strength to change and mature

4) help us see people and circumstances through His eyes

5) respond in love and understanding even when we are wronged

6) wholeheartedly trust the Lord and embrace what God is allowing

“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” Jms. 1:2-4

Much love and hugs this week!

Shaun and Betsy

Shirt off His Back, Cross off Her Neck 1-22-15

“Do not merely look out for your own personal interests,but also for the interests of others.” 

Phil. 2:4

We’ve all heard of the cliché, “Give the shirt off your back.” The dictionary tells us its connotation: First recorded in 1771, this idiom means in an act of self-sacrifice, to give anything one possesses in order to help another in need.

Well, while in Costco last week, after complimenting a woman’s necklace, in a gesture of complete altruism, Betsy was “given the cross off her neck.” Not the shirt off her back, but her cross necklace off her neck! Wow.  What this woman didn’t know was the heartbreaking phone call Betsy had received a couple hours prior. Acting on news unbeknownst to her, in divinely orchestrated timing, this saint came to the aide of Betsy’s aching heart with a symbol of a cross… God’s message to Betsy saying, “I am in complete control, trust Me.”

S. Harris shares this equation: Self-sufficiency is the opposite of Christian faith; self-will is the opposite of Christian submission; self-seeking is the opposite of Christian compassion, and self-righteousness is the opposite of Christian humility and reverence. ~Last week in Costco, amidst a world entrenched in “I am most important” mentality, the opposite occurred…the essence of Christian love was refreshingly exemplified to all onlookers by this virtuous woman. Our Lord smiles.

“Little children, let us not love with word or with tongue, but in deed and truth.”

1 Jn.3: 18

“You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.

Though He was God,

He did not think of equality with God

as something to cling to.

Instead, He gave up His divine privileges;

He took the humble position of a slave

and was born as a human being.

When He appeared in human form,

He humbled himself in obedience to God

and died a criminal’s death on a cross.

Therefore, God elevated Him to the place of highest honor

and gave Him the name above all other names,

that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,

in heaven and on earth and under the earth,

and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,

to the glory of God the Father.”  Phil. 2: 5-11

Today, may we live out the heart of Christ with the breath of our lives.

Much love and hugs,

Shaun and Betsy