“My lover is mine, and I am his.” Sgs. 2:16
Tomorrow, May 24, 2011 marks our 25th wedding anniversary as boyfriend and girlfriend...oh yeah. Seems like a lot of years in some respects, and a blink of time in others. As we reflect on our marriage and anniversaries over the years, oddly, it was our 10 yr anniversary that’s seems most noteworthy to us personally. Why?
Well, a lot of “life” happened in those 1st 10 years. With the mere words “I do”, our life instantaneously changed from ‘selfish to selfless’ and from ‘mine to ours’. (And for 2 recently retired type A elite athletes… successfully learning to live out “selfless and ours” seemed to draw blood at times (no, not literally).
For us, those 1st 10 yrs were marked with 6 moves, multiple new jobs and start-ups, 3 pregnancies/births, young energetic boys and a baby girl, owning our own business and doing books until 2am most nights, being taken by a con-man for 1/3 of our net worth, 2 major surgeries (1 for each of us), health issues with extended family, and SOOO much more… juggling, juggling, and more juggling.
For us, the 10 yr marker was likened to Roger Bannister’s braking the 4 min. mile barrier in 1954…once he accomplished breaking it, Roger and many others were able to break it again and again and again. The actual barrier was a mental barrier, not a physical barrier.
Similarly, probably the biggest key to our marital joy, aside from a vibrant relationship with the Lord of course, has been breaking mental barriers. Most profound, has been our choosing to see one another as good-willed day in/day out. ~~Doing just this one thing has altered our perspectives and become the filter through which we view our relationship so that we can effectively tackle the challenges that come against it. Powerful stuff.
Shaun’s favorite line when things got tough was “Bets, we’re on the same team.” To demonstrate his point, as he said these words, Shaun would physically move to stand by my side, put his arm around me, extend his arm and point out at the non-visual thing attacking us and then pray. ~~Even in the middle of conflict, we learned to choose to see one another as partners, allies, teammates and friends. Easy? NO, but it’s been worth every ounce of disciplined effort!
Proverbs, Shaun’s favorite book of practical wisdom for our marriage, has some great bits of sensible advice. With divorce being so rampant these days, let’s look specifically at 7 verses regarding how to manage our anger:
· “Fools vent their anger, but the wise quietly hold it back” Prv. 29:11
· “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Prv. 15:1
· “Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you will be like him yourself.” Prv. 26:4
· “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.” Prv. 16:18
· “A man of knowledge uses words with restraint a man of understanding is even-tempered.” Prv 17:27
· “It is to a man’s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel.” Prv. 20:3
· “The discerning heart seeks knowledge, but the mouth of a fool feeds on folly.” Prv. 15:14
God, the inventor of marriage, lays out some awesome tried and true guidance for us. You see, our Lord has a vested interest in this sacred institution. ~~Long story short, aside from procreation, God designed marriage to be an earthly picture of our eternal intimate relationship with Himself; and He uses this most intimate bond to sand off our rough edges in a way no other relationship can, conforming us to the image of His Son to reign with Him forever!
Marriage is so very WORTH ‘going the full distance’… until death do us part. Will you join us?!
Love and laughter from us to you, xoxo Shaun and Betsy
