Tools in the Toolbox 9-20-10

“Do not let any part of your body become a tool of wickedness, to be used for sinning. Instead, give yourselves completely to God since you have been given new life. And use yourwhole body as a tool to do what is right for the glory of God." Rom. 6:13

Have you figured out that living life in relationship is a constant struggle? 

• each of us is messed up to one degree or another
• add interpersonal relationship to the mix, and this struggle is exponentially magnified.   
• we all have differing capacities or “tools in our toolboxes”... Some folks have a full box and use their tools as a well-trained craftsman. Others have just the basics, a hammer, screw driver and exacto knife and try as they may (evil intent aside), they simply do not have the tools to obtain a precisioned result. Further, their cut finger bloodies the project and is followed by the inevitable blame game, “This wouldn’t have happened if YOU...!!!

So what do we do when we come into inevitable unresolved conflict/misunderstanding? Let’s take a look at the words “grace and mercy” (not doormat/enabler/co-dependent):

Mercy: (to show favor, pity, be gracious)
Gen. 19:19 “ "You have been so kind to me and saved my life, and you have granted me such mercy.”
Job 9:15 “Even if I were innocent, I would have no defense. I could only plead for mercy.”

Grace: (unmerited favor)
Gen. 6:7-8 “ So the LORD said, "I will destroy man whom I have created from the face of the earth, both man and beast, creeping thing and birds of the air, for I am sorry that I have made them. But Noah found grace in the eyes of the LORD.”
Rom. 6:14 “Sin is no longer your master, for you are no longer subject to the law, which enslaves you to sin. Instead, you are free by God's grace.”

Inevitably, we all have significant relationships in our lives that have caused us unresolved pain. The question is, what to do with it? 

• Pass judgment actively in the form of anger/confrontation/gossip?
• Pass judgment passively, choosing to treat them as if they are dead, ‘dis-ing’ them as in a junior high power play?
• Extend mercy, meaning that we choose to discuss and agree to disagree, or agree to step over the offense?
• Or extend grace, meaning that we choose to not only step over the offense, but do our best to bless the our offender?

(Careful here...remember, passing judgment about someone else tells us a lot about the person making the judgment!)

When we have unresolved conflict, we can show mercy and pardon the actions/words that have caused us pain...but to go a step further and extend grace is God living and acting in and through us. Our flesh says, “No way! Maybe I can forgive that jerk, but look pain in the face, and give of myself, expecting nothing in return? That’s too HARD!...It’s so much easier to live in my boundary box of avoidance than it is to walk in love and utter dependence upon You, Jesus.”
God’s grace: His merciful kindness by which God, exerting His holy influence upon souls, turns them to Jesus, keeps, strengthens, increases them in faith, knowledge, affection, and kindles them to the exercise of the godly virtues.

God’s example: Is. 60:10 "Foreigners will come to rebuild your cities. Kings and rulers will send you aid. For though I have destroyed you in my anger, I will have mercy on you through my grace.”  God leads us by example over and over and over again, all we have to do is grab onto His hand, humble ourselves and walk...is this tooooo hard?

God bless you,                      
Shaun and Betsy 

Big You, little me 9-13-10

David records for us in both 2 Sam. 22:31-37 and Ps. 18:30-36 that besides giving us His shield of protection, arming us with strength, training our hands for battle, and broadening the path beneath us to keep us twisting our ankles, God “stoops down” to make us great. What? ~~‘Big God’ stoops down to help, to strengthen, and to direct, to make ‘little us’ great?

“Stoops” actually means gentleness; clemency (mercy/compassion); humility; help. In essence, our author is acknowledging that it is though God’s gentle and compassionate help that he, David, experiences greatness.

God is great: “Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; His greatness no one can fathom.” Ps.145:3

God made Samson great: “Then the Spirit of the LORD came upon him in power. He went down to Ashkelon, struck down thirty of their men, stripped them of their belongings and gave their clothes to those who had explained the riddle.” Jdg.14:19

God made Joshua great: “So the Lord was with Joshua, and his fame spread throughout the land.” Josh.6:27

God made Saul great: “The Spirit of the Lord will come upon you in power, and you will prophesy with them; and you will be changed into a different person.  Once these signs are fulfilled, do whatever your hand finds to do, for God is with you.” 1 Sam. 10:6-7

God made David great: “In everything David did he had great success, because the Lord was with him. 1Sam. 18:14

God made Jesus great: “But the angel said to her, ‘Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God. You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever; his kingdom will never end...” Lk. 1:30-35

God makes us great: “Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory.” Eph. 3:20-21 (This same power that raised Christ from the dead! Eph. 1:19-20) ~~And Jesus tells us that the Spirit “will guide you into all truth. He will not be presenting His own ideas; He will be telling you what He has heard. He will tell you about the future. He will bring Me glory by revealing to you whatever He receives from Me.” Eph. 16:13-14

Why? Why would ‘Big God’ make ‘little us’ great? We’re told in the above verses...to bring HIMSELF glory.

Yet today, as with the disciples, ‘exaltation of self’ mentality sadly abounds: “And they began to argue among themselves as to who would be the greatest in the coming Kingdom.” Lk. 22:24   Oh, if only we will begin to comprehend the divine power that resides within us, and learn to pray and to rest in this power, rather than being so intent on making a name for ourselves. Confession: We Cleary folk have had to learn this principle the hard way...but in our “older age” at least we are learning. ~~And watching God at work in and through us, rather than us striving in our own strength, is just the coolest thing!

Yes, we live in complicated days, and they will only get more difficult until Jesus’ return. But check out this promise: "But then the court will pass judgment, and all his power (the antichrist's) will be taken away and completely destroyed. Then the sovereignty, power, and greatness of all the kingdoms under heaven will be given to the holy people of the Most High (us). They will rule forever, and all rulers will serve and obey them." Dan. 7:26-27       Wow. Now this is greatness!!

Let’s serve Him with 100% devotion this week...He is so very worthy.

God bless you!Shaun and Betsy   

Faith vs. Emotion 9-7-10

“Jesus knew what they were thinking, so he said, ‘You have so little faith! Why are you worried about...’” Matt. 16:8

God beckons us to listen and to trust in Him with all of our heart, and not to depend on our own limited understanding. Why? Because He knows that our hearts are amazingly deceitful and is doing His best to protect us from ourselves! (Jer. 17:9) Now, while we whole-heartedly agree with Him in theory, the question is this: ~When the rubber of our life hits the road of our life’s challenges, does our ideology actually hold up? ~Amidst life’s crucibles, do our choices and decisions originate from a foundation of faith or a foundation of feelings?


Contrary to our societal norm, in God’s economy, the life of an effective believer simply cannot be built on the foundation of our deceptive feelings. Likened to Isaiah’s day, people today live amidst a pleasure-crazy kingdom, living at ease and feeling secure. Their ‘wisdom’ and ‘knowledge’ cause them to turn away from God, claiming self-sufficiency and not being accountable to anyone. (Is. 47:8; 10) Oh, let this not be us! 
God promises that if we chose to seek His will in all we do that He will do things like:
(Prv. 3:4-5; Is. 48:17-18; Jer.17:7-8; Deut.28:1-14) 

• lead us, direct our paths, teach us what is good, bestow righteousness on us
• bless our coming in, our going out and everything we put our hand to
• give us peace like a flowing gentle river (not class-5 white water rapids)
• grow us like trees planted by the water (living without fear, always green and bearing fruit) 

In 2 Cor. 7:1, Paul exhorts us to reflect of these amazing promises, then purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for Him. As we do, God empowers and enables us to override our own negative thought life, emotions, and desires and replace them with His own. And eventually (as we train ourselves to live in Him ~1Tim. 4:7; Heb.5:14), our feelings do align with our faith choices, and ‘old-nature’ thoughts, emotions and desires actually become distasteful to us.

Personal example: Just this week, Shaun and I were discussing a person whom we “feel” wronged by. But rather than following our feelingswe’re choosing to follow God’s advice for us in Prv. 20:22 (“Don’t say, ‘I will get even for this wrong.’ Wait for the Lord to handle the matter.”) The bottom line for us? We are trusting God to handle this matter. The result? We are experiencing Peace reigning in our hearts and in our household, plus great joy in the anticipation of all that God is doing in and through us!        
Jesus, by His own example of surrendered obedience to His Father (including death on a cross for crimes He did not commit), shows us the way. What do you say we follow His lead this week?

Much love,                                         
Shaun and Betsy

Significance 8-30-10

“Then there was an argument among them as to which of them would be the greatest….Then He said to them…‘Whoever is the least among you is the greatest.’” Lk. 9:46; 48

Just prior to this verse, in Lk. 43-45, we learn that everyone was marveling over the wonderful things Jesus was doing. The disciples in particular were so caught up in outward appearances and personal significance issues that they completely missed what Jesus said next: listen and remember. Knowing full-well that they would not understand, Jesus went on to tell them about His betrayal. And wouldn’t you know it, rather than focusing on what Jesus was trying to communicate to them, the very next thing the disciples do is argue over who’s greatest among them!

The crowd focused on the miracles, Jesus focused the disciples in on His betrayal, and the disciples chose to focus on who’s the greatest. ~~That’s a pretty sad commentary! But aren’t we just like them today? …At times, don’t we get caught up in our personal agendas and miss Jesus’ primary speaking point? …Don’t we secretly (or not so secretly) wonder why we weren’t dealt a more significant role in this world…or better recognized for the role we do play?

Jesus exhorts us to listen and remember words such as these:

• We are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Eph. 2:10  God crafted my unique purpose before I was born.
• The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me. Ps. 138:8  God has a distinct calling on my life.  
• He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Phil.1:6 God started this work and He will finish it. 
• No one takes this honor upon himself; he must be called by God, just as Aaron was. Heb.5:4 God’s in charge of recognition & results, I’m in charge of obeying His promptings.

 God beckons us to realize our personalized calling and to make the most of our unique positions of influence as He directs. ~~Not reserving ‘our best’ for clout positions, while neglecting the significance of our influence in the common places of our everyday lives (like our role as a mentor, friend, father, husband, wife, or mother). No, like with Jesus and His disciples, it’s within these more common places and relationships that our unique calling is generally most valuable. ~~How many of us know successful business personalities, pastors, etc. who seem to “have it all”…only to find that their intimate relational life is a dysfunctional mess?

A personal illustration: After diligently seeking God’s counsel, years ago we chose to keep Betsy from a money-making job outside the home in order for her to fulfill her call of “domestic engineer and neck”. (What’s a neck? Simply put, two head chiefs in one home don’t function optimally. So, in our household, Shaun’s the “head of the household” and Betsy’s the “neck of influence”!)

And ever since making this ‘outside the cultural norm decision’, we’ve had to overcome regular raised eyebrow questioning as to Betsy’s worth as ‘a value-add human for our industrious society’…especially when we lived in the Bay Area. (At times, particularly during the hormonal baby-nursing years, this societal pressure really got to her!) ~~For not until 15-20 years later have we and society even begun to see the enormous influence that this pivotal God-directed decision continues to make.

Question: Do you believe God has a unique purpose for your life? If so, are you victoriously walking in it? If so, keep on keeping on!!! And if not…why not???

God bless you this week!

Shaun and Betsy

Standing in the Gap 8-23-10

“I looked for a man among them who would build up the wall and stand before Me in the gap on behalf of the land so I would not have to destroy it, but I found none.” Ezek. 22:30

The NIV tells us that the wall spoken of here is not made of stones, but one of faithful people united in their efforts to resist evil. Likened to our present day, this wall of faith was in disrepair yet few would step up to lead these unfaithful sheep back to God.

We Cleary’s just returned from a week’s trek through the Sierra’s before dropping our middle son off at college in the Bay Area. As we hiked North Dome in Yosemite and immersed ourselves in this indescribable grandeur of God’s creation, it was difficult to contain our awestruck wonder of God Almighty! Yet as we ended our Yosemite portion of the trip and entered our time in San Francisco, we were awoken to the sad realization that despite the “high” we just experienced with our Savior, the reality is, this world system mocks and denies His very existence. And to flourish within our societal system, yet not be assimilated into it, requires a diligent swim upstream in the waterways of the cultural norm.

So the next day, as we emotionally readied ourselves to drop off Conner at Stanford University (a prestigious school in society’s eyes, but one that embraces the ways of this world), we beseeched God with this short request:

~~Will you consider joining us and pray this over yourself and those you love?

“Lord Jesus, please bless us with a progressing revelation of You, Your will, and a deeper understanding of the boundaries/walls You’ve placed in and around our lives…walls You’ve placed for our benefit (not to somehow constrain us from happiness). Then, with this divine understanding and discernment will You help us to live within these boundaries while we uncompromisingly violate the culture around us with Your love and for Your glory? Lord, please help us to be so connected with You in relationship that our own sinful desires become exceedingly distasteful to us. And then, if need be, help us to stand ‘in the gap’ (like Noah) and speak against the evils of our day. Lord, please give us Your eyes into the culture, circumstances and relationships around us, and give us divine discernment to interact with them as You would. Amen.”



God bless you this week!

Much love,

Shaun and Betsy

Dominance Kills 8-9-10

“For you have been called to live in freedom-not freedom to satisfy your sinful nature, but freedom to serve one another in love. ... Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Gal. 5:13 and Eph. 5:21

In any significant relationship, habitual dominance within the relationship destroys the relationship. Dominance is a gender-neutral sin, and sadly, Shaun & Betsy (two driven, energetic, get-it-done-yesterday, Type-A individuals) have both taken turns at the “dominance steering wheel” of our relationship. Author and Pastor Jimmy Evans explains this negative dynamic:

“Dominance is one of the most damaging dynamics that can exist in any relationship--especially in marriage. God simply didn't intend for marriage to be a relationship where one spouse would dominate the other.

To understand this, we have to go back to the Garden of Eden before the fall of mankind. In the Bible, there isn't a reference indicating that Adam was superior to Eve, or vice versa, until the fall. After Adam and Eve ate of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, God pronounced a curse over them. In Genesis 3:16, we find that He told Eve her desire would be for her husband and he [Adam] would rule over her. The word 'desire' in that scripture means 'a desire to usurp authority'.


Dominance and a struggle for power or superiority in a marriage are the result of our fallen nature, and they destroy intimacy and goodwill in the relationship. ~~And there is only one answer--both spouses must surrender themselves to the authority of Christ and stop trying to control the marriage. This means the dominant spouse must have a humble attitude and ‘stand down’. It also means the dominated spouse must stop enabling the dominance. He or she must lovingly ‘stand up’ and take an active, equal position in the relationship.”

The good news for us Cleary’s is that we’re learning to recognize this harmful mannerism fairly readily. And through the ups, the downs and the seasons of life, daily we consciously surrender ourselves to God’s authority, seek His will, and allow Him to teach us how to serve and submit to one another. (In our differing roles as ‘the head and the neck’, we are equal partners under God’s authority.)

All of us have experienced the negative consequences of dominance in relationships near and dear to us. And we are wise to remember that although we can influence another, we can change no one but ourselves. ~~Single or married, we pray your significant relationships flourish this week as you seek Him!

Much love,
Shaun and Betsy

Developing Character 8-2-10

“So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.” Gen. 1:27

“For those God foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of His Son.” Rom. 8:29

Each of us, created in Christ’s image, are now being conformed and transformed into His likeness. This is some serious business! And God stops at nothing to accomplish His goal in our lives, personally orchestrating a symphony of events, circumstances, and relationships, which produce a divine melody in this ultimate objective.

One of His favorite means of conforming and transforming us is through significant relationships in our lives, marriage in particular. Likened to the saying, “God didn’t make marriage to make us happy, He made marriage to make us grow up”; God uses our most treasured relationships as His conduit for change. And it is in the marriage relationship specifically, beyond any other human relationship, that our character is most tested and refined. (It’s no wonder that Paul desired to remain single! 1Cor. 7:32)

Marriage, more than an other relationship, will test us to our core…testing our patience, our willingness to forgive, our ability to submit to another’s desires, our sensitivity and love towards others, and our integrity to the promise that we made on our wedding day. And there is no other relationship when lived out to God’s intended design, produces a greater picture of the Trinity and His relationship with His bride, us. ~~It’s no wonder Satan attacks marriage. When we say “I DO”, we tend to think “bliss forevermore”, but in reality, we’ve just picked a fight of cosmic proportions. (Again, it’s no wonder that Paul desired to remain single!)

Each of us, married or single, are profoundly influenced (positively and negatively) by the marriages around us…our parents, our relatives, our friends. When married couples we love struggle, we too experience pain … conversely, when couples we love are mirroring Christ’s passion in their relationships, we too are lifted to a higher plane. ~~And right now in our lives, God seems to be performing a miracle with Shaun’s parent’s brokenness, as they work to “reconcile and finish strong” in their marriage of 49 years.

It's been an extremely difficult number of years for our personal family, but Friday evening we got together as family for the first time in nearly 3 years. Although trust still needs to be built, we had a wonderful evening full of laughter and stories as we celebrated our Shannon’s birthday…together.

Jimmy Evans says, “Before marriage will make you happy it will make you grow up. And when you are experiencing marriage problems it is often the Lord dealing with a character issue.” We whole heartedly agree.

God bless you! ~ Shaun and Betsy