“Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart. 1Pet.1:22
We live in a fallen world full of hurting people. Know any? Someone real close to you? With this knowledge, Shaun and I have had to check ourselves with this: Is our response to the hurting folks God places in our lives (like our kids or our spouse) one of merely “preaching the truths of God” at them, or is it coming alongside them with God’s heart of compassion, then speaking truths only as God leads? ~~Truth and love…the two go hand in hand, yet so much of the time in our Christian communities, we sadly see only one or the other. Either the Truth reigns supreme, resulting in constant fault-finding OR compassion runs supreme resulting in loved ones who never learn true freedom resulting from living in Christ’s truths.
You see, being students of Scripture, if my Shaun and I are not continually tenderized towards the things that make God’s own heart pained, we may find ourselves more fault finding and sour-faced about a person or situation, than we are understanding another’s heartache. Have you ever met one of these sour-faced legalist believers? Ahhh…makes me want to run and hide! (Especially when it is my own ‘lemoned-up image’ looking back at me in the mirror.) ~~~ Oh, how I desire to be a person who searches the heart of God for divine wisdom in how to live life victoriously in this fallen world, and at the same time, be one who is in touch with the heart of God towards people in my life who are hurting. How about you? How do you desire to treat and to be treated by others?
A quick story: Shaun and I just had a magical get-away weekend together up in the Bay Area, but the cherry on top of the banana split came with a surprise phone call from the water polo coach at Stanford University. This coach knew we were up in his area and asked by chance if we could steal our son away from his tournament and come over to Stanford to meet with him in person. We did. Long story short, our son, Conner, was told that he has been admitted to the school and asked to play H20 polo for them…pomp and circumstance ensued, then he was quickly whisked off to the student section of the Stanford vs. ASU football game.
All this happened so quickly…it truly was a mind-spin, and but when the coach commented on Conner as a person, Shaun and I were flooded with emotion. Oh my gosh, do we love this 6’6” yet to be shaving man-child! We were later asked “what we have done so right in raising our kids?” (Talk about humbling.) ~~~ Wearing out the knees in our jeans before God is the answer! But when pressed for something “practical”, it made us think…just what have we done, and not done?
Thinking on this, we believe that the “truth/compassion” equation discussed above has been key. When one of our kids has been hurting, instead of saying something like, “Oh, ___, I know it hurts, but what do you think God is teaching you through this?” Or, “You know, ____, God works all things for the good of those who love Him, those who have been called according to His purpose…like you.” Or, ____, consider it pure joy that you are facing this trial, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance…so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” Oh no.
Instead, we have found that although these truths are very TRUE, the timing of their appropriation to a person’s hurting soul requires divine wisdom. More often than not, when our kids (or Shaun or I) have been hurting, what we’ve immediately needed were arms of love, not words of truth. Something like, “Oh, my love, I hurt so bad for you.” Or, “_____, I am here for you.” Or, with eyes full of compassion, merely pulling this hurting one close…and saying nothing. When hurting, each of us yearns to know, “Someone’s on my team and loves me unconditionally!” (…then later we are much more open to receiving and applying words of truth.)
(Confessional time J: Despite our awesome relationship, Shaun and I admittedly confess to you that we have been more consistent doing this with or kids than with each other. For with our kids, this balance has come rather naturally, but with one another, well…sometimes we just get jaded by our expectations, or flat out get lazy. We are a work in progress!! Any of you too?)
So this week, let’s each ask ourselves this: Who is it in my life that needs that divine balance of truth and compassion from me?
Blessings to each of you!
Shaun and Betsy
